Infinity

    When I was between the ages of around 14 and 17, something very interesting began to happen in my sleep.  While I was dreaming, and quite fond of my occasional flying dreams… I found myself rocketing up through the layers of the atmosphere with great velocity as if driven by something beyond my control.  It would only take me several seconds of dream time to go from ground level to the the point where the blue sky turns black and I began to exit the atmosphere altogether.  While the thought of it sounds cool and even fun… plain truth was, it wasn’t.  It was extremely scary!  I found myself reverse flapping my arms just to try to fight the levitational pull that was surely going to lead me to a place from which I could never return to my life or I would enter oblivion itself… maybe forever! 

    These dreams were so powerful and real that for a while there I would cry before I went to sleep as though mourning my own death.  That phase ended after a while and I have many times since wondered why.  Recently something new has begun to happen.  I have been intentionally taking myself, through meditative thought, beyond or at least to the outer edges of the atmosphere of my own mind. 

    It is there that I discover that the reality I perceive, such as being a man on a planet in a larger universe is indeed a dim replica of what reality actually is. Yet without looking at my reality itself, I default into a mode of assuming the reality I perceive is Reality and the dysfunction begins.  Since this is what everyone is doing for the most part, we sustain these irresponsible practices and even build entire institutions around defending what are essentially artificial reality structures which inevitably serve a few and harm somebody or the environment because they are by definition de-sourced from the infinite reality we ACTUALLY live in.  Like kids in a sandbox playing a destructive game and making their own rules as they go.

    Today I find myself viscerally experiencing in my body the effects of venturing beyond the atmosphere of my mental reality just by choosing to go there… and when I go there I discover that I am more ((here)).  It is in the continuing practice of sustaining the mental structure we have inherited through the ages that we dissociate from Real Reality which is why it is even possible to experience mundane reality… the “place” where we can say that “it’s just another day.”  The place where we can even complain about anything… the place where we can be jaded and disenchanted with life… the place where things like material possession and ego status become the trophies of a life well lived.  This is a sad place.  And I’m saying that it all comes from the mental practice of denying infinity.

    I can see now that when I was a 14-17 years of age I was going through that same transition of the ((Spirit Being)) to the /human doing/ that everyone goes through especially as the ego reality of gearing up for the “real world” is constantly being put in your face as it is in high school when every grade you earn is supposed to be your acceptance or denial into college which is supposed to be our port in to a “successful life” which is characterized by attaining the things that buy security in a world that by poplar belief is devoid of God even if this life is another test that is supposed to get us into “his” kingdom.

    Meanwhile it is our mental structures that deny us access into infinity’s kingdom which is right here always.  It couldn’t not be.  But our mental practices are not only too weak to allow for its infinite flow but actually cuts us off from the infinite flow altogether and we find our selves suffering in myriad ways without awareness of the true cause of our dis-ease.  I was going through this transition as everyone else had… but maybe with a slightly stronger pull to the infinite than normal.  When those dreams came to me, they were the infinite calling me to remember… but not remembering as facts, but remembering as Reality. At that point in my life I was already deeply committed to following suit with my predecessors and my peers in order to play it safe as it seemed the popular thing to do.  But now I know that it is that very popularity winning the day over the unsung hero of the infinite presence that funds all life that is the very downfall of all humanity. 

    Countless innocent victims falling prey to either the lure of doing the “right thing” and stepping in line or the many who fall prey to the perilous in-between realms of being a social misfit and yet still forgetting the infinite.  It’s nothing short of a war zone out there, but not between political parties, religions, or countries… it is a war between forgetting and remembering.  And the carnage and waste of life will continue until we can see what is really happening. 

    I’m not saying I am special.  I just happen to remember forgetting.  But I too forgot.  We all forgot.  And to remember ((Reality)) is salvation.  The salvation that all of our prophets and saviors have spoken of for time immemorial.

    I can’t help but notice the countless epics and movies that always portray the triumph over the ultimate bad guy.  When evil’s embodiment is supposedly and finally trumped by the embodiment of the righteous and how at the end of those movies I always ponder about what their world is like only a few years later.  For even though the bad guy is defeated the underlying cause which breeds all bad guys is not addressed and the eternal wheel of suffering continues as the the bad guy is not a guy at all.  The bad guy is the mental encasement which separates the being from Being itself and will inevitably breed “evil” in some form again. 

    I’m tired of the movies that defeat the bad guy.  Because I know that it is temporary.  Another bad guy will keep coming in to reflect the gross addiction of humanity to making herself into a thing, separate from the infinite, with an expiration. 

    I invite you to begin being the medicine unto yourself and therefore humanity.  Un-thing yourself in every moment.  Remember more and more the infinite simply by venturing to the outer reaches of your consciousness… again and again.  Challenged the /either/or/ structures of your mental processing.  The infinite is ((Both/And)).  Reality is Infinite.  Dismantle your finitized self… your finitized model of reality… your finitized version of your body.  Keep dismantling the rigid confines of a culture that denies the erotic, passionate, wild, aliveness of Reality.  Be one of the brave ones until it is no longer considered brave.  The world needs you.  The world needs someone(s) to give them permission to also be Real. 

    Challenge the structures of society not outside of yourself… but within yourself as they live in you and can only be perpetuated by your choosing.  And they can only be starved and dismantled by your opting out. 

    One quits their addiction authentically not by the mere force of someone external requiring them to.  One finally leaves the ephemeral satisfaction of their vices for the more eternal contentments born of having faith in the virtues that characterize the life of sustained infinite being.  Once one knows that they have had enough suffering and can see the extent of the human addiction to denying the infinite, they can finally accelerate the healing that we are all groping at in the dark.  

    The light has been turned on now.  The suffering is pointless now.  See the infinite.  See the finite.  Choose again and again.  While the oppression and popularity of Mechanical Human life seem overwhelming, there is something farm more overwhelming.  The mother of overwhelm herself… the ((Infinite.))  Be overwhelmed!  Let yourself fly past the upper layers of your atmosphere and let all in you that can dissolve, dissolve.  What remains is the infinite self.  Always here.  This is our natural state of being.  This is Yoga.  This is ((Life)). 
   

Normal A.D.D. - The Existential Amnesia

So this reflection is about (whoa! a bird) about how... um... what was I talking about?

   We've all heard the term(s) A.D.D  or A.D.H.D.  as medical diagnoses for an overall inability to function sufficiently in everyday life to varying degrees due to an impaired ability to focus.  And, while we normally think of this as a childhood disorder, I keep hearing more and more about adults getting the diagnosis "Adult A.D.H.D."  But what if this condition is just a particular version of a much deeper symptom on a more existential level?  And what if we all have this disorder showing up in different ways?  That's what I have been pondering lately and is the theme I intend to explore with you here.

  I love the word "existential."  It may sound like a rather esoteric word but really, it isn't.  It's an essential word which empowers us to consider levels of our life that normally go unaddressed yet are all important in their profound influence on we call "Life."  And that's why I love the word "Existential."  No matter who you are, what your religious or non-religious beliefs may be, whether you are a scientist or a creationist... both... neither... man... woman... both... neither... whoever you are and however you perceive reality... we all agree.... We Exist... we are living...  This is reality.

   No matter what characterizes your perception of Reality... you are experiencing some version of Reality.  Strip away the subjective and vastly diverse descriptions of reality across the globe, and we start to get down to something primal and first.  Something shared.  Something we can't deny.  That which is Real. And we are Human Beings.  So doesn't it make sense to address these foundational levels of our Being?  Especially if we are to know "Well-Being,"  which is health, which is essentially the nonpareil aspiration of all humans?... Why do so many (including modern science/medicine) ignore the importance of our existential condition as not only a factor... but The factor in our health as Human Beings?

    I'm in awe of science and medicine... do NOT get me wrong!  I would have to keep my head way up my own arss in order to deny the awesome achievements born of the dedication of men and woman through the ages to arrive where we have today!  But one would also have to bury their head in the sand to ignore that even science and medicine are hitting undeniable impasses.  Like Ptolemy's model of the solar system (geocentric) conceding to the more accurate Copernican model (heliocentric), could it be that science is being required to reorient our view of reality around something bigger than the atomic model of reality...something around which you can NOT  draw a boundary? Something infinite?

   I'm simply posing some important questions that, assuming you are not fundamentalist in your world view, you too should be unafraid to ask.  Could it be that our myriad disorders and maladies, both physical and mental, could actually stem from an existential disorder?  Is it possible that we are not subject to some predetermined conditions of existence itself, but that we participate in the formation of our most fundamental agreements regarding what reality is? Could it be that modern pathology is handicapped in its unimpeded progress if it continues to ignore this nonphysical reality? 

Type "Medicine" into Google images... this is what you get...

    I think so.  And I know that is bold of me to say.  When I refer to the atomic model of reality, I'm referring not only to atoms, but the very ingrained idea that everything is separate and the universe is the sum of its parts with no inherent connection or underlying unity accept for the common "container" in which all things are held... what we call the universe.  To me... this seems obviously Ptolemaic and ignores infinity entirely.  I mean, how can you draw a boundary around space which is what supposedly holds every thing in the universe?  Is that not what we're doing?

And this is what you get when you type "space" into Google image..."What's all that black stuff around the stars Mommy?  How Big is it?"

   Take the big bang theory.  While there is overwhelming evidence of the "stuff of the universe" expanding... there are gaps in the theory so glaring that it would be unscientific to view it as anything other than akin to the geocentric model of our solar system... and the idea that the earth is the center and everything rotates around us is obviously silly to us now!  One of the admitted short comings of the Big Bang Theory is that there is no explanation for the initial conditions of the big bang... just an overall agreement that... well... that's just the best we got okay!?  Even if our universe is one of many universes, as some theories speculate... all of those universes would have to be contained in something bigger... Isn't this obvious?  If you draw a boundary around it... what's outside the boundary?

A toroidal model of the shape of the universe... "What's surrounding it Mommy?"

   Furthermore... if the universe is expanding, then it must be a certain size.  If it has a certain size, common sense would tell you that there has to be something bigger than it... a larger space in which the universe is contained.  And obviously that would go on infinitely.  So, If you are brave... you will venture to the outer boundaries of any model of reality, including and especially the prevailing cosmological model of reality (Big Bang), and in an instant render it flimsy and temporary.  Like an understudy of the real thing...  A diorama of the universe...  A finite stand-in for the infinite... which is obviously silly and illogical (Ill-logical. The logic itself is ill).

   Why then, number one, do we give so much credit to that view of reality? And number two, if this issue is so fundamental and glaring, why are we leaving it out of the equation for achieving the ideal state of being?  For our health?  For our medicine?  For every area of life?  The body, for example was not created the way men create things.  Humans create things from a vantage point that is single pointed, looking at that which is being created from outside it and treating it as a finite object.  The body ( in all it's mind blowing, holistic, synergistic, multitasking awesomeness) grew in a kind of dialog with it's infinite surroundings over unfathomable periods of time from the "inside" and the "outside" and from every angle possible.  You could say the the entire ecosystem of Earth (which is not a self sustaining separate bubble unto itself but a microcosm of a larger ecosystem... and so on, into infinity) is the "hand" that created all organisms on earth. Then humans take their single pointed perspective and look AT the body through the filters of their highly limited perspective of reality and time and attempt medicine and pathology from that standpoint. From this perspective, it's amazing we have come as far as we have!  It's nothing short of trying to deal with a 3 dimensional reality from a 2 dimensional mindset. 

   This brings us back to Normal A.D.D. and existential amnesia.  Sounded like a cute title when we began right?  Now that we are getting down to it... could this actually be a more sobering topic?  Well if the model upon which we base our idea of reality is finite while existing in an infinite reality, then by definition we are in delusion.  Accept that we are not deluded relative to common conception of reality... common conception itself is based in delusion.  We have generated a framework that is the very infrastructure of our Lives, personal to global, that is out of alignment with reality.  How can that possibly turn out well?

    This means everything we perceive is ill-perceived.  Time... Space... Nature... Ourselves... you name it.   What about time?  If you look at what time is to you... and if you look up time in the dictionary... both explorations will show you quickly that we are attempting to define the boundless... limit the unlimited.... contain the uncontainable.  Look up "time" in Google images and you will see... can you guess it? Clocks.  Clocks clocks clocks.  Time is thought of as though it were some kind of measurement... a liner path with a beginning and an end comprised of smaller increments.  But I challenge you to strip away Hours... Minutes... Seconds...The grid-like overlay of the modern human's version of time... what are you left with?  Travel to the beginning of time... what is before?  Venture to the end of time... What follows?

   It is clear that our "technology" of perceiving the infinite is representational at best and painfully limited.  Indeed, the finite perception (projection) succeeds in eclipsing the awesomely undefinable! Well if we are born (thrown) into a world that is firmly entrenched in the habit of viewing Time in this way... Reality in this way... Life in this way... it only makes sense that we subconsciously absorb this dysfunctional script and framework of our perception of reality without ever really having any choice in the matter.

   Over time we find ourselves (or not) making do with "how it is" and this becomes the foundation upon which we construct our lives.  Given this inherent malady at the ground floor, we are either one of the many who step in line and march to a "dying drummer" with an expiration date implied in the very coding of our interpretative and perceptual mechanisms regarding the reality and LIFE that we fancy ourselves to be living, OR... we are one of the misfits...  Either way, it seems inevitable to grow dis-Eased and expire due to natural or unnatural causes.  But what if the "natural causes" are themselves unnatural?  That's the bell I want to keep ringing here!

    What if the diseases and disorders are stemming from a kind of existential malpractice that no one in particular is responsible for, yet everyone is practicing just due to the sheer momentum of its familiarity?  What if our model of reality is literally killing us?  What if the familiar practice of perceiving reality as finite results in a kind of atomization of... well shit!... literally everything?  If you really think about it... everything we perceive is essentially broken from everything else... due to this habit of perception.  If we perceive ourselves as particular, and comprised of discrete particulates without any lasting coherence... even if that is impossible in an infinite universe... doesn't it make sense that breakdowns and dis-integration would be the result on all levels of human existence?   Are we willing to consider that our very mechanisms of perceiving itself are not exclusive from what plays out in our physical realities and bodies? And vice versa?

    We speak of Attention Deficit Disorder as an inability to remain focused on everyday tasks.   What I'm suggesting is that the very nature of our everyday life is itself lacking in the deep coherence characteristic of our universe.  I'm suggesting the whole enchilada (as we view it) is incoherent.  And that this effects literally every aspect of life.  And when we label a child A.D.D. due to their inability to adhere to an already incoherent and fragmented world... is it that they have a handicap?... or is it that they are advanced and simply not supposed to adhere to an unhealthy and artificial construct of reality that goes against the grain of their very nature?  Maybe these kids (and adults) are actually not supposed to step in line.

    More importantly, what we call "normal"... may actually be what I'm calling "Normal A.D.D."  We can't be completely cut off from the infinite sense that the infinite universe makes... or we could not exist.  We could not have a thought... we could not remember anything.  There would be no continuity or coherence.   But considering these infinite and undying qualities of our universe are indeed unbound, we haven't even scratched the surface in terms of how much sense we can make of our bodies, our minds, and every aspect of our lives.

    Without the awareness that we are supported by infinite Presence itself, we cannot be fully present.  We have forgotten our most fundamental infinite nature and this has left us with a kind of existential amnesia.  We get by.  We function... for a time.  But do we only face the meaninglessness of the perpetual slave-like existence we all endure at the end of our life?  Or is it of utmost importance to our thriving to face our Normal A.D.D. now and start to rehab our minds out the familiar episodic, fragmented, piecemeal version of perception to a more coherent, flowing, organic, natural, synergistic version of perception in sync with infinite Reality?

    What we have called normal for so long is actually existential A.D.D. compared to where we can be as humans.  In deep remembering of our infinite nature, oriented around what it all comes from, based in an infinite model of the universe where everything is interconnected.  Where there is infinite unity without compromising the infinite diversity and individuality that characterizes all of nature and humanity.

    So in closing... you folks diagnosed with A.D.D. ... consider that your symptoms are more a sign of your inability to swallow a dis-integral technology of being.  And everyday folks, consider that what we have known as normal for so long... the life that we make do with... is actually inherently corrupt, prone to disintegration, and itself a version of normal A.D.D.   Normal because everyone has it.  But a pandemic disorder nonetheless.  The only cure to our fragmented lives is to restructure our perception of Reality at the very core.  To upgrade from finite humans to infinite Humans.  It's the only way I see to surmount this age old quandary!

  

Seeing is a Miracle - How we Normalize the Miraculous

   We’re looking for a miracle.  We’re seeking the next big thing.  The next high.   The new… well… the new new thing.  It appears everywhere… The hysterically desperate dull roar of a society looking to be impressed like never before.  Aside from the next technological advance (which at best tantalizes us for a minute), it seems we’ve exhausted all the possibilities in this world and have grown rather apathetic towards what, ironically, is a time more chock full with amazing shit than ever.  Why then are we so unimpressed?

    For example I remember when I saw the iPhone for the first time back around 2007… the way the photos turned when you turned your phone cause it magically “knew” what direction it was tilted… And I was like “Holy Shiiiiit!  That’s awesome!!!”  Well somewhere in the vicinity of 5 or 6 iPhones later, I can’t help but notice how normal it is to text a mile a minute on a relatively huge HD screen that fits in the palm of your hand and run a gazillion other tasks like take slow motion video, create songs, manage my calendars… on and on… and I can’t help but notice that I’m like, “yeah?… so?…”   (spoken in a jaded, “whatever” kind of tone).  Actually, I’m not like that.  But generally speaking, doesn’t it seem like the “wow” of yesterday is the “norm” of today?

    I was on a flight from Seattle to Phoenix the other day and found myself face pressed against the window, watching the ground drop beneath us, seeing us break through the cloud layer, and watching the most epic sunset from 35,000 feet, (even though I’ve flown dozens of times) and thinking, “Coooooooooooool :D  <-(that was what my face looked like).”   Then I thought it would be interesting to look around and see if anyone else was interested in what, just a little more than 100 years ago, would have been perceived as a sight only viewable by the birds and the Gods.  As far as I could see down the row of window seats, it looked like everyone was more interested in closing the window shade and sleeping or playing candy crush.  I thought, “Hmmmm…?”   And then I went back to gawking :D

This is actually a photo I took on the flight from Seattle to Phoenix.  purrrty.

     If you took someone from 1898 and said, “hey, hop in my little time machine thingy here and check out 2015 with me,” that fine fellow or lucky dame would be awe struck at the AMAZING opportunity we have to enjoy a ride at 65 miles an hour in your slick Toyota Camry (high speed transportation device) and they’d likely be through the roof with excitement to see what the world looks like from 7 miles above the ground.  Or to communicate with someone at a long distance through a handheld device and hear their voices sounding as clear as if they were standing right next to them.  They may also require a sedative and possibly some therapy.

    But it is not pointing out the general numbness to the incredible feats of man that I wish to focus on… that’s just a segue.  What has fascinated me the most is how we have, as human beings, long since normalized the miracle of our existence… our myriad mind-blowing human faculties… the magic of living on a planet that seems to strike a perfect and yet delicate balance ideal for life to abound in a most hostile universe of seemingly inert stuff… exploding and colliding and… ya know… stuff like that.

    My point?  I don’t care how scientific minded you may be… it’s a freakin miracle!  All of it!  It’s Awesome…  Mind blowing…  Delicate… Precious… if…..  and I do mean IF… we allow ourselves to really pause and perceive it.  “It” can really be anything.  Let’s start with anything that we see.  See the world around you… recognize the timeless inconceivable greatness of the sphere you are on which is indeed hurling through space around an awesomely hot and bright star which energetically funds life here on earth…. right now…. not on a screen, or in a movie… it’s happening right now.  Fact.  Scientific fact.   Awesome!

If I saw this scene in real life I'd ask the girl on far the right out for a date... just sayin'...

    Look at a plant or a tree or something living.  See that it is the result of intelligent life evolving out of a “dialogue” with it’s environment over unimaginable periods of time to appear the way it does now.  And its growing.  Too slow to see.  But we know it is.  Miraculously turning the elements around it into it’s physical body.  It’s roots intelligently seeking water under the ground and even breaking through rock to get it.  Amazing!

    Watch the clouds and how they move and morph at a pace that is too slow to capture the attention of the everyday tunnel-vision mind… yet when we slow down for a minute the visual texture of the movements of those clouds can be felt inside of you somehow.  Like they’re telling a story and you might just be the only one listening.  Superb!

    The “miracles” are all around us all the time.  It only requires the perceiver.  One cannot perceive in the everyday myopic mindset of “wake up, pay the bills, get stuff done, feed the kids, drive the car, on and on.”  When you have reached a point in your life where you can honestly say that you want more (which is practically everyone… including me) you know for a fact you have stopped perceiving the reality around you.  And not just around you... but IN you!   You are a miracle!

    We say, “I want to see a miracle… show me a miracle.”  But seeing IS a miracle!  Science can describe the components and process of what we call "seeing"… But that does not take away the fact that seeing in and of itself is AMAZING!!!  I’m inviting you to really think about it right now in this moment.  As you are reading this.  You are taking for granted that you can see the screen and the words and making countless associations at light speed that allow you to not only smoothly scan over these symbols and connect them in to sense-making sentences but to hear me… feel me… receive more than just sense… but my vibe… attitude… maybe even my passion… Isn’t that awesome?  When you think about how many things have to go right for that to work… isn’t that a miracle?   Really ponder this…

    We humans, for some reason, normalize things in this reality.  By “normalize” I simply mean… we make something normal and therefore... no big deal.  "Been there, done that."  "next..."  Now this is practical in some sense.  If we were moving through the world awestruck all day long with are jaws hanging and making a big deal about how beautiful the green traffic light is when people are honking in the car behind us, that would be just plain silliness.  But darn, haven’t we gone to the other extreme?  Where so little seems to excite us?

    I'm suggesting that many of us by a certain age become disenchanted with life and the world and assume a posture of indifference, alleging that nothing special is going on most of the time when it is actually the opposite.  The problem is not that there is not enough amazing shit going on.   The problem is that there is too much and we normalize it.  If we were really to start opening the valve, so to speak, of appreciating the miracle of life, we'd be overwhelmed.  We assume it's too good to be true and carry on as a dim light compared to the Sun of bliss we are capable of being. 

    Have you ever looked at a child (perhaps your own) and felt the wonder of things seen for the first time and weren’t you vicariously nourished by their pure and awesome wonder?  Well allz I’m saying is… We didn’t lose that!  At least not permanently.  all that is required is to remember that everything is a miracle… everything in existence has a kind of magic.  Precisely because it exists.  

    Often times Scientism seems to pervade our narration of what’s going on around us, and an unspoken side effect of that mindset is to somehow make the things that occur in our reality less of a wonder and then, somehow, “no big deal”… ya know… cause science explains it.  Why does gaining the knowledge of how things operate in this reality through the incredible vision that science has given us detract from the fact that it’s still a miracle?!  seriously.  Can’t we know how it works and also say “WOW!  That’s a blasted miracle, I say!” ?  

 

    Why have I made this point so important that I’m turning it into a blog?  Simple… because this is the stuff of life.  I’m not really telling you something you don’t already know.  But apparently it still needs to be said or we just continue defaulting to the humdrum, blasé, mundane perceiving that leaves us longing for something more.  And if we don’t know how to take a sip of water, or a deep breath, or watch a bird fly, and say “Oh my God!  What a miracle!”  honestly my friend… nothing’s ever going to be enough.  And that’s a painful place to be.

    Luckily for us… we can change that bad habit pretty easily.  Just start making a point of remembering.  You don’t have to gain more… aliens don’t have to appear… iPhone 7 does not need to come out in order for you to begin living in awe of existence.  We just need to start practicing seeing it.   As I see it, it’s rather simple.   When you start to feel jaded, unimpressed, indifferent, you find yourself complaining more, whatever… these moments of inherent dissatisfaction can be like an alarm system.   When you feel this way, you can be sure that you simply forgot to remember!  And that is you… remembering.  And then, “turn on the lights”.  Look around… take a breath… remember not only is what you see a miracle.   But seeing… is a miracle!

       Photo by Rawtographer - rawtographer.com